溺れかけた兄妹有島武郎Part 5 of 5 · JLPT N3
溺れかけた兄妹 Obore Kaketa Kyōdai, part 5: Grandmother's Words, and the Years After
In this part
Grandmother tells the narrator how frightened she was and asks him, sternly, to be more careful. Ashamed that he had briefly wanted to save only himself, he sits before her unable even to cry. Looking back as an adult, he says the rescuer would accept no reward, Grandmother and M are now dead, and his sister still says that was the one time she truly hated him.
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「Ｍさんが駈けこんで来なすって、お前たちのことをいいなすった時には、私は眼がくらむようだったよ。"When M came running in and told me about you two, I felt as if everything had gone dark before my eyes."
おとうさんやお母さんから頼まれていて、お前たちが死にでもしたら、私は生きてはいられないから一緒に死ぬつもりであの砂山をお前、Ｍさんより早く駈け上りました。"Your father and mother left you in my care. If you had died, or anything of the kind, I could not have gone on living, so I meant to die along with you, and I ran up that sand hill, my dear, faster even than Master M."
でもあの人が通り合せたお蔭で助かりはしたもののこわいことだったねえ、もうもう気をつけておくれでないとほんに困りますよ」"You were saved, it is true, because that young man happened to be passing by, but what a dreadful thing it was. If you do not take care from now on, I truly shall not know what to do."
お婆様はやがてきっとなって私を前にすえてこう仰有いました。Presently Grandmother's face grew stern, and she sat me down in front of her and said these words.
日頃はやさしいお婆様でしたが、その時の言葉には私は身も心もすくんでしまいました。She was a gentle grandmother as a rule, but at those words I shrank, body and soul.
少しの間でも自分一人が助かりたいと思った私は、心の中をそこら中から針でつかれるようでした。I had wished, if only for a moment, that I alone might be saved, and now I felt as though needles were pricking my heart from every side.
私は泣くにも泣かれないでかたくなったままこちんとお婆様の前に下を向いて坐りつづけていました。I could not even cry. I simply went on sitting before Grandmother, stiff and frozen, with my head bowed.
しんしんと暑い日が縁の向うの砂に照りつけていました。The hot sun blazed down in the stillness on the sand beyond the veranda.
若者の所へはお婆様が自分で御礼に行かれました。Grandmother went to the young man herself to thank him.
そして何か御礼の心でお婆様が持って行かれたものをその人は何んといっても受取らなかったそうです。I am told that he would not accept, whatever she said, the gift she had taken him as a token of her gratitude.
それから五、六年の間はその若者のいる所は知れていましたが、今は何処にどうしているのかわかりません。For five or six years after that we knew where the young man was living, but now I do not know where he is or how he is getting on.
私たちのいいお婆様はもうこの世にはおいでになりません。Our good grandmother is no longer in this world.
私の友達のＭは妙なことから人に殺されて死んでしまいました。My friend M was killed by someone, through a strange turn of events.
妹と私ばかりが今でも生き残っています。Only my sister and I are still alive today.
その時の話を妹にするたんびに、あの時ばかりは兄さんを心から恨めしく思ったと妹はいつでもいいます。Whenever I talk with my sister about that day, she always says that then, and only then, she hated her brother with all her heart.
波が高まると妹の姿が見えなくなったその時の事を思うと、今でも私の胸は動悸がして、空恐ろしい気持ちになります。Even now, when I think of the moment the wave rose and my sister disappeared from sight, my heart pounds and a strange dread comes over me.
Vocabulary
| Word | Meaning | JLPT |
|---|---|---|
| 駈けこんでかけこむ | to come running in, to rush indictionary form: 駈け込む駈 is an older variant of 駆. | — |
| 眼がくらむめがくらむ | to feel dizzy, to nearly faint (from shock)dictionary form: 目が眩む眼 is a literary way to write 目. | — |
| お蔭おかげ | thanks to; owing toOften written おかげ or お陰 today. | N4 |
| きっとなってきっとなる | to become stern, to look severedictionary form: きっとなるNot the everyday きっと 'surely'; here it describes a sudden serious expression. | — |
| 日頃ひごろ | usually, ordinarily | N1 |
| すくんですくむ | to shrink, to cower, to freeze up (from fear or shame)dictionary form: 竦む | — |
| 針はり | needle | N3 |
| 照りつけててりつける | (of the sun) to beat down, to blazedictionary form: 照りつける | — |
| 受取らなかったうけとる | to accept, to receivedictionary form: 受け取る | N3 |
| 生き残っていきのこる | to survive, to remain alivedictionary form: 生き残る | — |
| 恨めしくうらめしい | resentful, bitter (toward someone)dictionary form: 恨めしい | — |
| 動悸どうき | pounding of the heart, palpitationsUsed in 動悸がする, 'the heart pounds'. | — |
| 空恐ろしいそらおそろしい | vaguely frightening; filled with an uneasy dread空 here adds the sense of a fear without a clear cause. | — |
Grammar
〜でもしたら N2 if (something like) ... were to happen
The verb stem plus でもする softens a hypothetical by adding 'or anything like that'. Here 死にでもしたら means 'if you should die, or some such thing', a way to mention the worst outcome without stating it bluntly.
お前たちが死にでもしたら、私は生きてはいられない
If you had died, or anything of the kind, I could not have gone on living
〜ようでした N4 it was as if ...; it felt like ...
ようだ after a clause makes a simile. Here the narrator's guilt is compared to being pricked by needles from every side.
心の中をそこら中から針でつかれるようでした
It felt as though needles were pricking my heart from every side
VるにもVられない N1 cannot ... even if one wants to
The same verb is repeated, first in the dictionary form with にも and then in the potential negative. It expresses being unable to do something you would like to do; here the boy wants to cry but cannot. 泣かれない is an older potential form of 泣く (modern 泣けない).
私は泣くにも泣かれないでかたくなったまま
I could not even cry, and stayed stiff and frozen
〜たんびに N3 every time ...
たんびに is a colloquial form of たびに, 'every time'. It follows a dictionary-form verb, or a noun with の.
その時の話を妹にするたんびに
Whenever I talk with my sister about that day